Loss

"Don't grieve.  Anything you lose comes round in another form."    -Rumi

Usually, I consider Rumi to be kind of a cool dude.  I will grant that perhaps he is right, and that losses may somehow come back around in another form.  I think I may have experienced that on occasion-rare occasion.  However, I really think old Rumi missed the boat on grieving.  I think grief is part of the passage of healing.  All of that pain, remorse, regret, sorrow-cannot and will not be denied.  I believe that to deny those kinds of feelings is tantamount to throwing yourself under the train.

There are all kinds of loss:  the loss of the first tooth, the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a possession, the loss of that first breath of a baby just born-ad infinitum.  What they all seem to have in common is that they leave a space; a space that yearns to be somehow filled.  In some cases, that seems to take care of itself-the baby tooth is replaced by a permanent one; the old job is replaced by a better one.  But there are losses that cross your heart like fault lines-they become cracks that are never fully filled.

I have found that one can easily fall into those unfilled cracks, sinking down into a blackness that appears to never end.  I have also been fortunate enough to have been pulled out of that blackness just long enough to realize that unfilled cracks have another purpose-it is through some of these cracks that light glimmers in.  The fault lines still cross your heart, yes, but climbing out of the blackness is akin to the process of grieving-it is something one must wade into to get to the other side.

As to the other side-things are not the same-they can't be.  The universe has been rendered different forever because of that loss.  The light's glimmer will eventually come through, and the healing can begin.

So, Rumi, old man, I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.  I don't know that every loss comes round in another form, but I do know that those whose hearts have fault lines filled with light are not lost-they are the beacons that lead the way for those still lost in the dark.

Angels

"No, I never saw an angel, but it is irrelevant whether I saw one or not.  I feel their presence around me."   -Paulo Coelho

Angels have been on my mind lately.  The word angel has several origins, the most common being the Late Latin "angelus," meaning "messenger from God."  I've found that as I go through a day, however mundane, I usually have an angel drop by.  

My angels are sometimes visible, in human form, as when someone says just exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment, whether I knew it or not.  The hairs on the back of my neck tingle and travel down my arms to form goosebumps. It is hard to ignore something as visceral as that.

I find that angels are also present in forms I can't describe.  Events are orchestrated and outcomes happen for the best through no machinations of my own, even though I sometimes only see those in hindsight.  I have felt angels' guidance in times of great difficulty, when the path I am to follow is so crystal clear it might as well be a yellow brick road.  When I am graced with a certainty too strong to be ignored, I have learned to follow.

Would that I had the ability to conjure up a Bean-friendly angel whenever I felt the need for guidance, life would sail smoothly along.  It doesn't seem to work that way.  I am graced with angels on some other-worldly timeline I can't begin to comprehend.  While it would be nice to have my own personal angel on call as needed, I've found that expecting or trying to force that to be a frustrating exercise in futility.

What I can do is try to recognize and acknowledge angels' presence in my life, and try to heed the messages I am given when they come.  It is as simple, and as complicated as that.  I try to maintain a state of readiness and willingness, and then get out of the way so I hear the message instead of the jumbled cacophony of my own mind.